Relationships at this moment are undergoing such a massive shift. The norms are literally changing under our feet, and we have to make up the rulebook as we go. You know for a long time our relationships were pretty simple because they were dictated by rules.
- Religion had clear strictures, and it had structure and it had incentives and it had prohibitions.
- Social hierarchy was also very clear. It told us how parents had to talk to the kids how children had to respond to adults. How husbands had to talk to their wives and how wives didn’t have to answer their husbands.
Things were clear. All the decisions were made for us.
- Who was going to be the breadwinner?
- Who was going to wake up at night to feed the baby?
- Who has the right to demand for sex?
- What you did is what you father did.
At this moment we have unraveled this system, and we have created a world of options and choices and unprecedented freedom. But as a result we have to negotiate everything.
It’s all up for grabs. It’s no longer clear who’s gonna be the breadwinner.
In fact, whose career is gonna take priority at this time, who’s gonna wake up tomorrow morning to feed the baby, who’s responsible for anything including initiating sex next time. Who’s going to plan the date? What gender should I be dating? How many people should I be dating at the same time? Should I tell them about the others? Am I ready to have children? Do I even want to have children? Should I move east should I move West? Where am I going to go on vacation next? Am I in mind my needs, but getting met in this relationship? Am I happy am I happy enough?
All these big decisions burden us like never before. We have to figure it all out and because of that conversations have become the heart of relationships. We have to talk about stuff that we’ve never talked about that. We don’t know how to talk about that we don’t have the vocabulary to talk about. Most of the time we’ve even never said it to ourselves, “Are we up for the right people?”